We're on hold here...

While we deal with Caden's treatment, this blog will be on hold. Be sure to visit us at his caringbridge page.

Toooooo Cooooooooooooool!!!! Portuguese Television

Sports!

We Question God Sometimes...

I keep a journal that I don't write in often. I wanted to share this because it is real. The power of not even having known a person and yet feeling the pain of a loss of her in my heart was more than I could handle.

May 12, 2007 7:47 pm

God, give me Strength....
Give me some, please, I need it.

This day has not been good. I awakened and immediately felt compelled to look at the blog of Claudia. I had to translate the paragraphs and with each one, with each statement, I was getting more agitated, I did not know if they were saying what I thought they were saying...she died...

I feel an immense sadness and unmistakable pain. I do not know what is this that feels this so deeply except on several levels. I've lived this before and it makes no difference that 18 years have passed since something like this reached into my own life and ripped out my heart, and I knew....I knew the pain of my Goddaughter. I knew that she would feel this, and I knew that she did not know yet. She was at her ladies lunch, I presumed, and her presence was no where on the blogs yet. My heart aches for her.

But it's more than that. I didn't know Claudia. And yet the passing of another soul breaks my heart. I don't understand this God...I don't understand why...why her, and why do I feel this like I do? I am mourning the death of someone I never knew, only in a few translated blog entries. If I didn't understand in some small ways spiritual issues, I would need to be institutionalized. This is not normal. It hits me like I knew her. I cry, and then find some strength again only to find myself driving down the street with my heart in the pit of my stomach and it hits again.

It has made me question so much right now. Myself, a lot. I question why...why we must be here, only to suffer and to die, all the while other people suffering in the loss of ourselves? God, I don't understand. I don't understand it God. God... Why do we find ourselves drawn to people, love them, love them with everything, and then they die...they are gone...we are left here with what we feel and that pain is so deep, and so horrible, so haunting that we can never explain it to another. God...please God...I don't understand. Nothing can save us from this. We will always feel the pain of loving another when it is abruptly stopped.

God this hurts. When I read the entries that her friends have posted now, it kills me God. It kills me. I can feel the pain. I went over to Paulo's blog and saw he has a picture movie on there and I had to stop almost immediately after starting it.

I feel alone. I am alone. There is no one to whom I can call up and say, hey, I'm sad. Someone in Portugal died, I didn't know her, I knew of her, but she died and I'm sad. No one would understand that.

So it's you God. I'll tell you. I have this for a reason, and I don't understand it.

I've heard people describe me as being someone who is unapproachable. So imagine if they knew I cry and mourn the death of someone I didn't know...

God, WHY? I need to know why...

Comfort my Goddaughter tonight please. She will need it. If I feel the way I do, I can imagine her pain is 100 times more than this...

Progress...

I would not normally post something like this if I wasn't doing something to improve, but here it is!

3 weeks since beginning the workouts and losing the addiction to pop, the results are this:

Weight lost: 6lbs

Date	Neck	Bicep	Forearm	Chest	Waist	Hips	Thigh	Calf
11/14/2008	15	13	10	47.5	44.5	49.5	24	16
11/07/2008	15	13	10	48.5	44.5	51	26.5	16
10/30/2008	15	13.5	9.5	49.5	44.5	51.5	26.5	16

15 days sober...

Killed it, kicked it, got rid of it...15 days and freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee from the addiction. 15 days!!!

I also accepted the 10,000 Step Challenge that was inadvertently given by my supervisor. This is in addition to the workouts I do in the morning, so some days I can get 6,000 before I even get to work! I figure this is good preparation for the Camino in 2010 in SPAIN baby!!! (Lahyna...can you keep up? LOL :o) )

The "A" Team had a very successful week with food and encouraging one another! We also had our first "healthy pot luck" for lunch on Friday. On the menu was: Julie brought chili...very, very good! Julia brought a fruit pizza of which I remarked to Julie (not Julia, she wasn't around, lol) that if heaven had a taste, that was it! Cindy brought a wonderful salad with lettuce, Mandarin oranges, nuts, and a raspberry dressing, and I brought the veggie tray and crackers for the chili! Way to go ladies!!!

History in the making...

We did it America!!!! Congratulations to our 44th President!

We're Bringing Sexy Back!!!

'A' Team, keep on going! Everyone is doing a great job and it is so much fun counting steps, points, calories and making these life style changes with all of you!

Go ahead girls, go ahead and be gone with it!